01 August 2010

The TOP 10 unleashed

At my recent baby shower, the women and I were talking about all of the crazy things that some people feel compelled to say to pregnant women. It is as if the sight of a baby bump is a switch to turn off the filter on their mouths and start running their heads endlessly. My friends get a kick out of some of the things people say to me, especially since they heard similar things said to them when they were pregnant. Here are some of the women enjoying my personal TOP 10 unleashed: 1. Do NOT rub a pregnant woman's belly without asking first. We are not Buddha. This especially holds true for people you don't know. I was washing my hands at the sink in a restroom when a woman at another sink came creeping over to me (like a cat preying on a helpless little mouse) with her hands up ready to pounce, saying, "oh your bump is so cute... I just have to touch it!" She ended up losing an index finger and the thumb on her right hand in the process.

2. How much weight have you gained? I've gained enough to sit on you & make you wish you had never asked me that question.

3. Should you be eating that? Should you be asking this question of a hormonal woman who can eat your head in one bite?

4. Let me see your belly. I can tell you're having a boy because your stomach sits so high....I can tell I'm having a boy because four different ultrasounds showed his willie, but thanks for your input.

5. The horror stories: "I almost died in labor when I had my first." Thanks for sharing, I'll be sure to name you as my labor coach since you clearly would know the right things to say to me in my time of need.

6. Are you not seeing a doctor regularly? Yes, I watch reruns of Grey's Anatomy a few times a week, duh.

7. You look way too small to be in your last trimester. Are you sure you know when you are due? Actually I closed my eyes and randomly picked a due date on the calendar for myself.

8. Was it planned/an accident? Did I forget to consult with you first before fitting MY pregnancy into YOUR calendar?

9. When are you having another? I should probably have this one out before I even think about anything else, don't you think?!

10. Creating crazy nicknames for a pregnant woman's baby, and for goodness sake do not refer to the woman's unborn baby as "booger." Seriously.

On the flip side, people who have children really must STOP saying to those who are childless, "You have no idea what it is like to have kids." as if it is some badge of power tripping honor. A few years ago I worked with a girl who said this to people constantly and she quickly lost the respect of those around her, childless or not. While she used having two little children as an excuse to consistently get out of doing any significant work, it was very hurtful to the women in the office who had gone through loss, didn't want children or were told they could not have any.

It would be nice for people to use common sense and manners regardless of which side of the fence you are on.